A picture I took of Korben in the dark

HAHAHA BAD CAT

My voice teacher, like another teacher before, said I lack ego to be a good singer. Yes, they can tell by the way I sing that I hate myself. But people who think they are good singers when they are not are really embarrassing. I know those people. I've seen those people on American Idol. Maybe I need hypnosis. I'm not gonna just snap out of it! I'm doomed.

middle child syndrome

I've always been very interested in middle child syndrome, but it seems like information about it is extremely conflicting... some say they are "black sheep" loner types who end up in jail, some say they are creative, quiet pushovers, but ultimately the conclusion is always that middle children suffer inwardly.

Weird thing is, an overwhelming portion of my close friends are middle children. Among my friends who come from families of 3 children, something like 80% of the time, the middle child is the most outwardly put together. I'd say that some of them are inwardly the most messed up people I know HAHAHA, sad but true.

I've always thought that one of the worst things I can imagine is discovering I have an identical twin separated from birth, then finding out she is outgoing, smart, successful, selfless, confident, dresses perfectly, sings, and has a Nobel Prize. I'd just DIE. Because then I would know that I was nurtured wrong, not that I was just born this way.

Maria! Say it loud and there's music playing, say it soft and it's almost like praying

I can't get over how good Maria Sharapova's hair/head wear looks at the US Open. Like her day dress, don't like the evening dress. She rocked today!!!

Day--black visor and black ribbon in honey blond hair, genius!:

Night--black ribbon barrett, side-swept bangs, I'd wear this hair to a formal event!:

stupid throat thing

OK I went to the doctor and he said he can't see anything in my throat and doesn't know what it is. Which is weird because when I look in the mirror and say Ah and use a flashlight, I'm pretty sure I see something! There are several possibilities but one is a canker sore on my soft palette or tonsil. I actually think this is it. But it might be an infection. Canker sores have to have a white center but what I think I see doesn't have that. It might be something lower in my throat that I can't see (because it's hard to tell exactly where the pain's coming from since it radiates all over the place). This is making me crazy. My appointment with ENT is in 2 weeks! Stupid.

Another clue is that it tastes weird, which tells me it should be an open sore or something... I know this sounds totally gross but really it's not very... I don't even have much pain, it's just annoying...

Right now I don't know if I should stop singing. If it's a canker sore, there's no point in stopping singing. Problem is, I don't know for sure if this is non-singing related. I actually starting having a sore throat from when I sang a bad high note, BUT I dunno if this is the same sore or something totally different that just happened to feel the same...

happy birthday V. Li

Got back from Boston a few days ago. I really didn't want to come back to Illinois. Not that I like Boston, I just didn't want to be here. I don't know where I want to live. I don't think I'll be happy anywhere.

I've had a sore throat thing for 4 weeks so I'm gonna see a doctor in half an hour. I think it has something to do with singing. I'm the worst singer that ever lived. Anyway hope it goes away. I've been making hot water with honey and lemon, mostly because it's my comfort drink. I doubt its usefulness in curing throats. It never occurred to me that the type of flower the bees get their pollen from influences the taste of their honey. The honey I got from Chinatown is "lychee honey." As in, they honey comes from pollen from lychee tree flowers? Bees are cool. Except big ones close-up are nasty.

Hmmm have a lot on my mind... actually right now I'm swamped with work. I'm sure all at-home crafters feel my pain when I say I can't stand that people don't think my work is a full-time job and then some just because I work from home and make stuff.