My Gondolier Dreams... Dashed!

I have some very unconventional career aspirations. When I was in middle school, I wanted to be a TVB dancer. Like, literally. People thought I was kidding. Then around high school I wanted to be a backup vocalist. I just thought that would be the best job ever. People never take me seriously when I say stuff like that, but I totally mean it. I mean, right now I want to be a professional opera singer, the only problem is, I am technically grown up already.

OK, literally, I'm not even kidding, the best job EVER is a singer in a Cirque du Soleil show. Like, seriously, I can't even imagine a better job. But I thought I'd settle to be a gondolier at the Venetian. I love Las Vegas. The Venetian has always been my favorite hotel on the Strip. (But after I went to Italy for reals, the Venetian is just so whatever now.) Well, Macau is bigger than Vegas now. Their casino revenues beat Vegas last year. That's how insane it is. I found out the Venetian Hotel in Macau is the biggest resort in Asia, and it has three canals. I immediately was like, How can I be a gondolier at the Venetian in Macau???!!!

Last weekend we went to Macau and stayed at the Venetian. The suites were off-the-wall amazing. But anyways, the package included a free gondola ride, so what did I do? I go on the gondola ride and basically had 10 minutes to ask the gondolier everything about being a gondolier at the Venetian (sort of like the classic trapped-in-an-elevator scenario). "Where are you from?" "Where do people audition?" "Do you have a suite here?" "How many days do you work?" "Do you like living here?" She only sang for like 1 minute HA.

So my gondolier dreams have been dashed. First, you have to have been born in Italy. That's the end of that for me. Second, everyone auditions in Vegas. Ar! They are mostly actors in addition to singers. You have to learn how to operate a gondola and I'm just terrible at stuff like that.

Well, Cirque du Soleil's show in Macau is coming soon, so... I want to "run away with Cirque du Soleil," as they say.

The one who had to deal with me.