Drama galore around these parts. For one, V.Li is back in London for a long spell. The circumstances were sucky and weird. Wish she could've stayed, not just for my personal enjoyment but also wish things were better for her.
Last week I got a job I wanted but turned it down because it's far plus has really bad hours (and I mean 10-hr shifts that end at midnight type of thing). And outrageously bad pay and other reasons that aren't exactly deciding factors but all contributed to my decision. I wouldn't mind either far commute or really bad hours separately, but traveling far in the middle of the night is really unappealing/scary/sad. I dunno. I think I would like that job, so boo. Although Tim had an interesting idea. I could take the job and put everything I earn into a charity fund. That might balance out the crappiness of it all, in a suffering-for-the-disenfranchised kinda way.
And I feel super lame because I don't know what I want to do, have no set goals, no projects, nothing to look forward to, and just feel like dead weight or something, eyes all glazed over, and "too" skinny (according to the masses), and just feel like time is of the essence but I'm not using it properly--note to self, life is not a dress rehearsal.... On the other hand, I am totally having an existential crisis. Everything means nothing. Why do anything? Why have anything? Why love/hate? Why dress up for stupid horse races? Have a career only to retire all old? Sleep without dreaming? Why listen to music if you can't drown in it? Why try? Why babies? They'll grow up to have existential crises, and whose fault would THAT be?
I Heart Huckabees, a movie close to my chaos...
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