obsessing over auditions again

Auditioned for Beauty and the Beast yesterday, which was a very interesting experience. When I first found out about the auditions a few days ago, I had zero expectations, because the Belle part (the only young female part worth anything) isn't even in my vocal range. Really, I didn't think I'd care. I'd just do it for kicks. But I learned and memorized her song obsessively, and started to think, You know what I can actually sing the shit out of this thing. A terrible thought, as I started to want it just a little. Then I get to the audition and find out 128 people signed up to audition. Whaa? That's a lot. I knew turnout was going to be high since this is Beauty and the freakin Beast, but darn my Belle dreams were dashed. I would guess I am going up against maybe 60 people for the one Belle part, if you factor in the people who are guys, the older women, and girls who auditioned for chorus only. Factor in cronyism (that wretched foe!), and that's that.

It was a group audition with 8 people per group (I think). There were 4 young females in my group, and all four of us prepared the same song (called "Home," which was written for Disney's stage version of the musical). Thing is... they cut each of us off after the first part of the song. Technically, the song has an intro section (what might be called a "recitative" in opera), then a first part, then a second part. The second part contains all the fireworks and fits my voice well. Two girls went before me and got cut off after the first part. I went up and asked the pianist if I could start at the first part and go a little into the second part also. He said okay and we did just that. I got cut off (grrr) after just a few lines into the second part but made the most of it. ALL NIGHT last night I was freakin PISSED AT HOW STUPID I AM. I should've just said, Can I do only the second part. (!!!) OMG I'm not kidding my lack of (or not-good-enough) strategy or slow thinking might've killed my Belle dreams. That's the story of my life, not thinking fast enough. But of course, now I want it so bad, you know just to be Belle, just to prove something, to have something, to sing. I was running on so much adrenaline after the audition all my energy could've powered small machinery, I couldn't sleep thinking about my stupidity, etc., just hate how much I want this. Like a job interview that leaves you really wanting the job.