clinging.

Finally did something I've been meaning to do... started listening to live streaming of Chicago's 101.9FM (The Mix). I feel so much better. I've been deprived of mainstream American radio. The only thing I don't miss is Nickelback. Even the fertility clinic ads make me feel warm and fuzzy. And I don't hate Rihanna anymore. Well, except "Stop the Music," which they just started playing when I typed "I don't hate Rihanna anymore."

EDITED TO ADD:

But in a way it makes me feel worse.

There's this thing I can't really explain. When I look at the ocean or buildings faraway I get this weird feeling like the world is small but big but small but big, etc., and I can't figure out whether it's big or small. Like when I was watching 9/11 on TV in Hong Kong occurring live at night around 8pm, I looked out the window and it was totally surreal that this was happening RIGHT NOW somewhere in the world, but yet I am right here sitting here and outside my window everything looks normal and it's nighttime, and I just got this feeling like the world is so small but big, like I could feel NY right outside my window even though it was really far away. Like when I listen to Chicago radio here and I look out the window, it's the weirdest feeling, like half of me feels like Chicago and half feels like HK, sorta like it's all just one big freakin thing all squeezed together. And it makes me feel happy but sad. Know what I mean?